would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
