everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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