Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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