Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
