I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
