just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
