we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize