Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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