My nipple is on Facebook.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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