i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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