Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
