shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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