There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
