I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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