You really coming over, don't trick.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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