chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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