I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
