i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
