dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
