he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize