This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
