matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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