two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
