I wish I only lived at night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
