Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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