Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
