Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
