Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
