Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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