I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
