I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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