it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
