When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
