Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
