Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
