he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
