I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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