K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
