Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
