so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
