I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
