Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
