No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
