Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
