my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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