Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
