it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
