At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
