It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
