It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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