so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
