I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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