I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
