she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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