The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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