I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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