By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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