When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
