You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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