I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I believe in your delicious
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
