the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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