Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
