you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
