i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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