ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
