Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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