I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
