Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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