I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize