You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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