Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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