I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
sex in a hospital.. check
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
