i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
