Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
