Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
