.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
