Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
