Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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