Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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