Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
