My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize