How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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