Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
