I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
